Swingin' for Steroids

Crack, smack and thud.

Those are the sounds fans in San Francisco have become all too familiar to hearing from Barry Bonds' 32 oz lumber. And after Bonds victimized another innocent bystander, taking Livan Hernandez deep on Friday night, the man who preaches, “In roids we trust,” has inched within five homers of 755 career diggers and a tie with The Homerun King Hank Aaron.

Like the 441 pitchers Bonds has smashed homers off, we, the loyal, dedicated baseball faithful, are becoming victims of his homerun record pursuit. The number that separates Bonds, representative of everything wrong in professional sports, from Aaron, a genuine, respectable slugger, is no longer triple digits, or double digits, or more than ten, even. I can count the number on one hand- five. One, two, three, four and five. That’s all BB needs until he can rightfully snatch the crown from atop Aaron’s head, where it fits so nicely, and place it just above his steroid-induced, oversized forehead.

I know media pundits and aficionados have grumbled, jeered and sneered at Bonds’ attempt to claim sports’ most heralded record for years, but now it’s time to turn it up a notch. Many are underestimating the significance this event holds in sports history. Bonds, a guy bound so tightly in steroid investigations that I’m surprised circulation to his extremities haven’t been cut off yet, is possibly five swings away from being recognized as the best homerun hitter of all time, and the fans that drive the sport suddenly don’t care. This is ludicrous, preposterous, ridiculous, and (insert any synonym for absolutely absurd).

Bonds chase of Hank Aaron and his sacred record has become a ticking time bomb on the verge of detonating, consequently destroying baseball as we know it. Tomorrow he might hit number 751, and the digital screen resting on the bomb’s side will clearly read “4.” Then the next day he hits 752, and the screen displays a “3.” Then two, one and eventually zero, or effectively the end of baseball. Fans will be rushing for the exits and managers resigning, because the game will then be over, complete, finished. We will all know the sport is bogus, as a quick glance at the huge scoreboard hanging above Major League Baseball reveals: Steroids 1 Baseball 0. The ugly syringe will have claimed victory, once and for all.

Wake up everyone and feel the urgency, because Bonds’ recording setting homerun isn’t going to be a line drive that barely clears the leftfield wall, no it will be a blast that forces baseball in the deep depths of obscurity. It might not transpire immediately, but soon enough baseball will be resting six feet under beside the likes of soccer, hockey and, most insultingly, the Winter Olympics. That is, unless we pipe up first.

Draft Day Shake Up In Blazers Roster

Not only did the Blazers pick Greg Oden, one of the most prized centers to come out of the NBA draft in a decade, but a blockbuster trade involving Zach Randolph was made. After the dust settled from making the official announcement that Oden would in fact be a Trail Blazer, Kevin Pritchard and family stirred it all up again by trading their leading scorer of the past 4 years. The Blazers sent Zach Randolph, Dan Dickau, and Freddie Jones to the New York Knicks for Steve Francis and Channing Frye.

Some may criticize this trade because we didn't get much in return for Randolph’s skills, who was the only player in franchise history to lead the team in scoring and rebounding for four consecutive seasons. But Randolph just didn't fit in with the up-tempo team that the Blazers have been assembling. It was also evident that the fans and the organization were tired of his off the court incidents. In his six seasons with the Blazers, he was suspended by the team three times and was involved in several other off-court incidents ranging from sexual assault allegations to a DUI.

This trade will go down as one of the best trades the Blazers have ever made. Not only will they be saving their new and improved reputation, but they will also save 28 million dollars in two years, by unloading Randolph's inflated contract. Critics will point out that we also took on the large contract of Steve Francis, but his contract expires two years before Zach's does. Mr. Stevie Franchise may play in Portland or the Blazers could work out a buy out of his contract. If the Blazers did buy out Francis's contract, it would enable them to go after a much needed Small Forward like Rashard Lewis in the free agent market.

More changes are sure to come this off season, but it is clear that Rip City made its way back in Portland.

In Response to Mike's Josh McRobert's Bet

As I was watching the first round of the NBA Draft and weeping over the sudden departure of Zach Randolph from the Trail Blazers, I couldn't help but notice that the Philadelphia 76ers has not yet selected Josh McRoberts, a move that Mike was surely going to happen.

As the draft kept progressing, teams continually kept passing on the pure hustle, yet not very skilled player from Duke. When the draft entered the second round and McRoberts still had not landed on an NBA roster I began to ask myself, "Will this guy even get drafted?" Then we got to pick number 37 and the Portland Trail Blazers once again shocked the world and took McRoberts. I found this more shocking than anything else Portland had done all night or ever for that matter. I found the selection of McRoberts more disturbing than the salaries of Raef LaFrentz and the newly acquired Steve Francis. How does this guy fit in to Kevin Pritchard's master plan?

There is only one logical explanation as to how Portland is going to use Josh McRoberts. The answer is simply six fouls. McRoberts will share the same role and responsibilities that other storied big man such as Joe Wolf, Chris Dudley, Joe Klein, and Will Perdue did while serving their time with the Trail Blazers; keep the better players out of foul trouble.

When Mike originally said he would bet any amount of money that Philly would take McRoberts, I thought going into the Draft that was a sure thing. Now I am kicking myself for not taking that bet, and Kevin Pritchard should be kicking himself somewhat for wasting a pick.

A Quick Trigger Finger

After more than a month of bickering, heated discussions and national publicity, the “Great Portland Debate” has officially come to a close.

SportsCenter kicked off with a bang tonight, as "The Worldwide Leader in Sports" flagship program announced the Blazers' plans for the no. 1 pick in tomorrow's draft: We are taking the big man Greg Oden.

On one hand, I was relieved. The Blazers brass appeared to finally understand that stumbling across a legitimate seven-foot center is like finding a waterhole in a scorching desert- it doesn't happen often. Sure, Kevin Durant is talented and would've brought instant scoring power to a squad lacking a potent offensive attack, but every sane Portlander realized long ago that Oden's mountainous physique is the Rose City’s ticket to championship success.

Question the former Buckeye’s surgically repaired right wrist, and I will tell you he could bench 185 pounds more than Durant even with it less than 100%. Say Oden isn’t a polished offensive threat, and I will counter by rapping about his intimidating defensive presence that will keep pretty-boy guards and small forwards, like Durant, shying away from the paint for fear of getting swatted by the beast.

And, in regards to his offensive abilities, he is better than a raw Emeka Okafor, Andrew Bynum and Patrick O’Bryant, who was selected with the No. 9 selection last season. As he showcased in the NCAA Championship Game in March, Oden has a consistent hook shot and his around-the-basket skills make him a viable force inside for put-backs, tip-ins and alley oops.

While I was thrilled to find General Manager Kevin Prichard hadn’t choked with his selection, I was thoroughly disappointed that the announcement was so premature. Seriously, talk about ruining hundreds of draft parties and taking the air out of a suspenseful debate. WOW!!! Big mistake on Prichard and, most likely, Owner Paul Allen’s part. This move is analogous to telling a youngster what he’s receiving for Christmas hours before he feverishly rips into his presents the next morning. It just isn’t right in every conceivable way.

The only remedy to cure the heartbreak Blazer fans are felling after Prichard and Allen stole all their draft-day fun is to bring it back. Yes, this means Prichard breaking out the wheelin-and-dealin hat he donned last season when Portland reeled off a record six deals, dusting it off and single handedly generating some excitement with trade after trade. I expect he will deal Zach Randolph, as there is no longer room for his sluggish, banal game with Oden around, for a veteran small forward like Reshard Lewis or Richard Jefferson. Also, I hope he packages two or three of the four second round picks to acquire another first round selection.

So, the debate is now sadly and prematurely dead, but the fun might just be beginning for the Blazers.

I wish there was some amount of money...

...I could bet on the Sixers drafting this guy:

Sox - Yankees, Part 1000

My Sox fan friend Brett just emailed me asking if I thought the Yankees were done। Since I'll surely be asked to address this in class anyway, I figured I may as well put my thoughts on e-paper here.

My vote is no. Here's why:

Besides A Rod, Posada and Jeter, all of the other six ex-All Stars in their lineup are completely underperforming. Johnny Damon, a lifetime .288 hitter, is at .251 (though he has a comparitively high OBP). Bobby Abreu is 40 points below his lifetime average and 50 points beneath his lifetime OBP. He's averaged 22 homers per year; so far he has four. Robinson Cano is 35 points below his lifetime average and a full 70 behind last year's.

The point? All of these guys are well under their lifetime numbers, and that doesn't even include Giambi, Matsui and the overwhelming number of injuries to the pitching staff. I suppose it's possible that all continues to go wrong in New York, but I doubt it. More likely? Jeter and Rodriguez continue to tear it up, Posada comes crashing down to earth -- he's 70 points above his lifetime average right now -- and all the other All Stars start performing again. If they can maintain even average pitching, that offense should carry them.

In short, the Yankees will probably make a run. If you look at the numbers, their record should be much better than it is. Their record has them at a game under .500, but they're outscoring opponents by an almost a run per game. According to baseball-reference.com, their record should be something like 42-31 right now, which would put them a more manageable six games behind the Red Sox instead of 11. Over the course of a season things tend to even out; therefore, EXPECT the Yankees to do well in the second half and don't act as surprised as John Kruk, Steve Phillips and the Baseball Tonight people will want you to.

Things that are driving me crazy

I'm often bothered by the media coverage of the Sox - Yankees rivalry and am especially bothered by the continuing coverage of the third place New York Yankees. What's wrong with them? Trade A-Rod, Ditch Giambi, Should Joe Torre be fired?

Enough. They're in freaking third place. They're a full eleven games out of first place, and under .500 overall. Yet this is the team that ESPN and all the media outlets put on their front page headlines. Young, exciting teams like Cleveland, Arizona and Milwaukee are tearing it up this year, but what's the big news? A Roger Clemens relief appearance in a 7-2 loss. Stop it. Stop it.

Please?

(By the way, tomorrow is Derek Jeter's 33rd birthday. Please do take note of this; if Joe Buck, Tim McCarver and co have their way, it will be a national holiday in 20 years)

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